This is interesting, I just looked up on the word "Epiphany" because i'm not sure if i spelt it right and guess what came up 1st?

Epiphany (noun)
the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles (non-jews) as represented by the Magi (the three wise men who brought baby Jesus gifts during his brith) (Matthew 2:1-12)

This came up before the alternative meaning of "a moment of sudden revelation". Interesting, now u know where this word originated.

Anywho, I had an epiphany today.

After dropping of Ariel and Carol back at their house, I decided to drop by my old abode that has turned all green since i left. Driving into the carpark of my old place feels surreal. I parked, got out and proceeded to look for my previous home counting from bottom up. Memories came flooding back at this point and suddenly I realised I have not really detached myself from this place. That's probably the reason for countless nights of uneasy sleep. As far as i know, i've never had trouble sleeping until i shifted to where i am now.

I realised a large part of me was left behind, and also that life flipped on me from the very day the movers came to shift out the stuff. I never wanted to leave, I wasn't ready to leave. And i probably am still not ready till this very day. Evident from the fact that i felt right at home just standing at the carpark of my old house. I felt so ready to go to lift, press 10 and head home.

Sometimes life moves so fast we dun hav time to reflect on it. It has already been 3 years + since I moved to where i am now but the life that i'm living is unrecognizable as compared to 3 years ago. I've changed so much so fast within this 3 years that sometimes i feel a sense that I'm losing myself somewhere. 

Its not only my own transformation but with a new place, new sch everything around me changed, all my old friends have turned to just acquaintances. From meeting up almost every week to meeting up twice a year.

Everything flipped 180 on me that very day we moved out. It is as though my life ended then and i'm living a new lift that's only 3 years old.

Now i wonder, can I ever move back in? Will it restore everything? Will my dad be back endlessly sweeping the floor? Maybe not.

I should now quit all these midnight blabbering and go get some sleep. Wake up tml morning and continue to look forward in my life.

test test

I had no intention to blog at all but after seeing everyone's blog is dead i decided to create something for myself to read. (weird dude spotted)

My car is here! FINALLY! like since march.. wtf right, wait so long.

but it comes entails with all the petrol, erp, parking and wad nots that i have to pay. so pls dun hav the idea that someone just gave it to me as a gift. its a responsibility.

Everytime i fiddle around with it, can't help but to imagine how it be like if my dad is arnd to giv me advice. like a father and son thing you know.

I have to feel my way through uncharted waters for everything. Be it wad product to buy for washing car to wad petrol to pump and how to best maintain it. (which my dad is extremely good at)

Just like today when i'm trying to wash my car. Its my 1st time washing a car. i know i sound noob but how many of you reading this actually did wash 1 properly?

This other car pulled up beside me at the car wash bay, the father proceeded to retrieve a pail from somewhere and went ahead telling his son how to wash the car, how much soap to put.. how to scrub and dan he stood by to observe his son do the job. All the while i was just wiping my car with the myriad of cloths i bought (dun really know how to go about it) and making a fool of myself at the wash bay creating a huge bubble bath there. Its times like this when u really wish u had a dad to point you at the right direction. sigh.

Well, on a better note, at least my car did look clean afterwards =)

now.. waxing next week... mmm..

recently i've realised that you can really nvr know whether someone is the one for you. so many ppl are saying they found their life partner, toking about marraige and all when they barely knew each other for more dan a few months. you might know you understand the other person to the T but you really dun. and you probably nvr will.

its just human i guess.. after close to 2 years we still dun seem to fully grasp the other party. but i dare say we've gone 1 step closer alrdy.

LOVE is a big word. always think THRICE before saying it to someone. becos u want to mean wad u say, and not use it as a casual remark.

Well, i still hope it be many more years to come darling =)

everyday seems like every other day, fight with morning traffic, get a cuppa coffee, do unending amt of work, leave work late, pick you up, dinner, go home, slp and next day is the same.

its not like everyone else is different but u just particularly feel it when there is no one else arnd to joke with you or just plain nonsense with you. All you see everyday is hard working Single Working Adults who works non-stop and when they do its out for Drinks or other activities that just dun plain suit you becos u have no common topic with them.

even when u try and pull a joke, all you get is silence in reply. and i meant literally, silence, not even a hur hur. Its as though they did not hear you, or maybe they didn't, the computer screen with the never ending new emails coming in just seem more interesting.

i really really dun mind all the shit loads of work, i learnt alot of new stuff, but, its just the human relations that gets at me.

and this pent up lifeless feeling just gets carried on after work. Whenever i hear you guys toking about your work, the ppl there.. how mean they are how assholes they can be, i feel even more frustrated and depress becos i hav no one to share with, even when i do tok about it, its not like there is any reciprocation, because you are not there you hav no clue, and i dun blame you for that.

i've been eating lunch alone alot these days, i can no longer stand the lunch trips when all i do is keep silent. Not because i'm shy, because i have absolutely nth to say to them. The difference in our lives are just so great. It doesn't help furthermore when most are females. and u know wad females tok about......

sigh, oxymoron, i love my job,i love the enviroment, but i desperately need an outlet. 

it doesn't help when i still have to worry about you, as you go beyond skinny to become scrawny. As you sigh and sigh and be depress over a job dat its just not wad you wanted. As you desperately seek comfort from me when all i have left for you is just a few breathes of air. I feel like i'm losing my soul, when everyone and thing is sucking at it, you, work, home, church(this is a much bigger issue than u think it is).

I feel like my purpose for living now is just to serve others, to serve my mum by sending her to work (on time so i have to struggle to wake up), to serve the affiliates of discovery channel and now NYP (pls make up your mind), to serve you by giving you comfort after work when u feel depress and if not dat i giv up these few weekends, i will have to serve the church in the weekends. Everything is about others.

I feel like being a little selfish once in awhile.

this is a test post frm my iphone, haha at church now!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

i'm very aware that i've not posted since... last year. haha.

firstly like to wish everyone a very happy chinese new year and i mean it. seriously, happy!

time flies and with all that has happened and all we entered into year 2009, k, i sound seriously lagging for saying this now.. haha but hey, if not there wun be any mention at all in my blog!

and yes, to all who DO check back once in an orange moon, i'm still keeping this blog alive, kicking and well. =D

i dun tink i need to do an update since most ppl reading this would probably be aware of wadeva's happening so, y bother. haha

OK, maybe not my dear sister michelle. so heres for you!

1) My band, AMR, got 2nd in the NYP has talent finals. youtube vid at this address: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLlgyEhpVME

2) i thrashed the NYP logo by placing a "TV" sign in front. vids here at youtube too! lol : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc_8dI09eqE
   
    we actually had to self taped cardboard boxes together and paint it white! all done on new year's eve! when everyone is going for countdown!

haha i'm suddenly aware that i haven got much big highlights except for those 2 mentioned above. actually there's something else that follows after the winning of the talent finals. just that i can't blog about it. guess? haha

wah lao i like writing blog for you. haha .shall talk about other stuff now.


oh, the time has arrived. for MS0702 to depart our seperate ways for 6 months as we go to our respective companies for attachment. do hope we catch up once in awhile and update each other about our horrible/kind bosses. lol

NS is catching up on me too. looking at my JC bro's entering NS just made me very aware of how much we have aged.. hahaha. secondary school memories still seem to be very fresh on my mind.


oh, i've just dyed my hair ash blue and some dark brown colour. more like can see the ash blue only (highlights). something bold since a long long time i've actually done some colouring. and i'm reverting back to short hair. noooo... not that secondary short short, thats kuku short. now its suitably short yet long enough. haha wadeva la, dunno how to describe.

Chinese New Year had been pretty boring this year for me at least. perhaps because we've all grown up, running arnd just ain't fun anymore. Blackjack is the way to go, but even so still very boring. hong bao's are the only comfort. haha.

Attempts at Sun Tanning has failed miserably yet again due to the weather. it seems god has something against me getting tanned. whenever i want to sun tan, he gives me an ample 10mins worth of sun b4 sending the rain clouds pouring over my head.

BUT

it did not stop us from STILL having a good time =) ok yea, even though we din exactly do anything except talk rubbish cam whore and eat. somehow it felt great. haha.. this despite nearly all my relatives disapproving of us. sometimes its really hard to explain to people where u are coming from. they will always say, " yea its one thing for u to say now but its a different thing when it actually happens".

TRUE, BUT, its not like we put no thought into it either. Somethings are also really out of our own hands. No doubt its nvr a 2 person thing. each one entails a whole family behind and everyone has to be brought into the picture when time comes. Yet, have you guys really thought about it? that when time comes, it REALLY is just about the 2? I thank god that at least my Mum understands this, and perhaps she might have been the one that actually made me realised this.

It will not be a smooth ride, no one knows how the future will be, all we can do is really to leave it in God's hands and we all know he can and he WILL to all who believe bring us through.


Walking a thin line between being a "disppointment" and "someone who has faith". It has been a constant struggle. More so after my Dad's departure, when all eyes are fixed on me. Expectations rise and demands to be met. How do i, being an 18 year old, to please everyone and yet not forsake myself?


i yearn not for approval, but just a simple understanding of our circumstances and believes. we know very well ourselves we are walking on thin thread every single day. We've been through really tough times of uncertainty ourselves, would you all have known?! We are well aware of the consequences of this path that we chose, although u all might beg to differ.

mmm, am i lazy or wad, i can never tink of a subject head to my post. guess i'm lazy. haha

took down my previous post, it was probably written at a bad time when i was slightly tipsy and angry.

school's been an ass lately, with so much work and so little time. seriously, i wanted to enjoy every single project, but multiple deadlines ain't allowing me to do dat.

even tinking of something quirky is now a chore. all the fun has gone.

talking bout fun.

that is something really lacking in class. and maybe, in my life. day in day out, we see each other, yet everyone is like 10000miles away from each other.

even an attempted class outing ends up in smokes. really bad smoke... it felt like someone blew alot of smoke in front of u and dan run away while u can't see.

my analogy is weird.. yea i know.

you know, a good heads up is nice. dun just leave. its just.... bad.. rude...and i dunno wad else.

its really weird, how someone so close to you can abandon you just like dat. its probably just me, dat i'm just dat extra sensitive to the absence of people.

i've always belief that love in its purest form is unrequited and unmerited. Thats how jesus loved us. 

but i'm human, and i'm upset dat i cannot love as god love me. i'm selfish dat i cannot compromise. i'm selfish that i tried bending you to a way that i wished you were.

its true that one needs to be loved before one can love others. i always thought that i've been loved by god enough to be able to love someone else. turns out, i've not really truly realise his love for me that i've been trying to dig out that love from you, trying to shape you into someone u are not. i'm sorry.

i'm sorry for not being able to be someone you wish i was. i'm sorry i am not able to love you as much as you wish i did.

frankly speaking, i'm the one thats in need of love, much more than i thought i needed. and its been wrong for me to demand it from u, i'm sorry. i'm blaming you for all my insecurities and fears of being left alone, i'm blaming you for not being there when i needed you and i'm blaming you sometimes just because i can't come to terms with myself. you bore the brunt. i'm sorry.

mmm.. so long nvr post also dunno wad to post.

even though its deepavali and its a public holiday its still school work on everyones mind. seriously, projects are alot more frustrating dan exams.

but dan they are more fun to do dan exams. well dat is if only group members are fun.

lately class seem so different after holidays. like everyone seem to have lost abit of connection somewhere. its seriously down to like, only during lessons and project meetings dan we get to see each other..other dan dat.. classmates dun exist to each other at all...ok i'm exaggerating abit here but yea..u get the picture..

OR

is it just me? lol no idea.

random



u see, this cat is very confuse bout her own shadow.



and i decide to confuse her more =D. HAHA


sianz, recently life has turned abit boring. everytime ida and i went out, its like. go where? dunno? go home.

i dunno if its our problem or its just dat singapore really is dat boring.

maybe we should shift our attention somewhere else instead of developed areas like orchard.

maybe.. bukit timah hill.. sentosa(ok dis is quite developed but we seldom go), mac ritchie.. haha..

know wad? it be best to own a car hahahaha

praying for this friday! results of the HL milk toyota vios contest! lol

gdnites for now.

haha comments maybe?

came up with this when the tune got stuck in my head while i was fooling around with my guitar.





gah.. i need someone who can do melody to fill it in.. sounds bare.. haha..

well just experimenting with garageband..

=D

out.

its almost 3 weeks into holidays and counting.

so far holidays has been all about these things:

1) Driving lessons
2) Movie Junking
3) Church

haha. wad a list...

alrite, was at indoor stadium for 3 consecutive days last week. Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Hokkien Mid-Autumn Evangelistic Service.

as excited as i was initially about it, the mood was dampened sooner than i had expected.

Arrive at indoor thursday evening only to find that a room for recording was not booked.

Had to make up for it by using 1 of the Royal Stewards Ministry room.

To add on to that, unusual productions were wonderfully 2 hours late. or more, i din count.

ended up having to go home at nearly 2AM in the morning. and cab fare was almost $30!!!


ok la, enough lamenting. suffice to say the whole experience was not all good.

anyway, check out the photo here of the "recording studio"